I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
