the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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