at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
