some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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