So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
