the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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