I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
