If that was your dad, he is hot
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
