being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
