planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We got so high we made milksteak
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
