I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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