Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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