Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
