Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
