Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
