You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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