His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
