Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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