she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
