Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
