I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
