Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
