she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
