I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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