I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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