mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
