It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
