I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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