then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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