I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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