just tell him i said nine months
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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