I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just cropdusted the office
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
