My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
