you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I die, sorry about rent.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
