he wants to bone in the snuggie
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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