he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
