We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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