i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
