Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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