Kiss
Puke
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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