i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
