watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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