there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
