I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
