I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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