i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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