Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
