You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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