so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
