I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
