I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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