the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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