If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
