omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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