Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
